Why is change so hard? What’s really holding people back?
Why do some people seem to benevolently breeze through all of the changes that life demands of them, while others become unglued even if they have to change their laundry detergent?
Although change is inherently part of everyday life, there are few things equal to the process of personal change. Human behavior is fueled and even captivated by habits which is one of the reasons change is so hard. However, there are other explanations.
Change is a continuous process that interrupts or disrupts the conditions of life leading to a new way of thinking and behaving. Change always presents the challenge of beginning something new, ceasing old ways, reducing something or adding to it. I can think of no better relevant example of change than Covid19.
People resist change because they believe they will lose something of value or fear they will not be able to adapt to the new ways. Because it jeopardizes their sense of security, they also withstand change if it remarkably alters their usual schedules.
The three types of changes in life include personal change such as creating a new habit or eliminating an old one, then there’s physical changes like those that occur in the human body and external changes such as world or global transitions, corporate or work related ones, cultural and social changes, and, something everyone is reeling about right now, political reform in one way or another.
Another reason that change is difficult is because of all of the questions that people have when facing change. Questions like:
Why is change happening now?
What is the risk remaining the same?
What is the hurry?
The key is in the way that you perceive change and deal with uncertainty.
So here are a few ways to move through the major phases of change:
1. Get Beyond Thinking About It
You may be aware of a habit that you would like to change or a behavioral adjustment that needs to be made; however, you haven’t made a commitment to making changes. Many times this is caused by not having a full understanding of the issue and its effects. You could also be stuck in this phase due to previous unfruitful attempts to alter a habit or behavior which caused a loss of hope in even trying.
How to overcome this stage:
Rekindle your efforts to change by evaluating what worked the first time you tried and what didn’t. Use what worked as stepping stones and take small steps towards change every day.
2. Active Thinking
You recognize the problem, acknowledge the need for change and start thinking about all of the reasons you haven’t made a commitment to making adjustments. This is one of the most challenging phases of change because of so many unknown factors. The big question you may be asking yourself is what if?
How to overcome this stage:
You can overcome this obstacle to change by asking yourself this: What is my why? When change is not linked to a strong answer to why it’s necessary, it’s a setup for procrastination and failure. Your answer to this question helps you connect with purpose and that motivates you to move forward. See the experience as a reason to discover information or knowledge and realize gains. You might also view it as an opportunity to learn. What is the experience there to teach you?
3. Embrace
During this phase, you begin to prepare for the transformation mentally by making a commitment to start on the day that you’ve written down in your journal or calendared. You’ve assessed the pros and cons of the change and have decided that the pros exceed the cons.
How to overcome this stage:
You can successfully move through this phase by having an accountability partner. A life coach (link to my site), good friend, a licensed professional or respected loved one who is also good at giving tough love are good options for making sure that you stick with your commitment. Fully accept the process and understand that tough experiences are purposed to develop, build and prepare you for
4. Take Action
Someone within this stage has put his or her plans into action and made significant behavioral changes within the past one to six months. By adhering to our plans we have made substantial adjustments to our relationships, routines, environments, and perhaps even to ourselves in order to further the change we desire.
How to overcome this stage:
Allow yourself room to fully embrace change and
Create a physical journal and be creative with the design since it will be your go to for pressing through tough phases of your transformation. Use it to write down the gains that you have experienced as a direct result of the change.
So, the question to ask self is: Where will my life be in six, twelve or 24 months if I keep doing what I am doing now? Self-questioning in this way nudges you to think about your life, assess what’s good, what’s working and areas of dissatisfaction. The areas that you aren’t satisfied with are where goals and plans of action are needed. This question also helps you stop putting off until tomorrow what needs attention today.
There are few things equal to the process of personal change. It’s a big deal because one habit or issue is related to so many other areas of your life. You have to break it down into bite size steps. Keep in mind that even if you fall short of your goals to change the first time or two, you’ve still gained knowledge and experience about what works and what doesn’t. You still gained.
-Humor helps to lighten the heaviness of an experience
-Focus on the issue or problem more than your emotions associated with it
-Change thoughts and conversations about fears to ones about your values
-Expect turbulence
From what I’ve seen in my strong lives coaching and the masterclasses that I teach, setting realisitc expectations about change from the beginning gives you the best chance at success. Change begins with an assessment of your current situation, planning and daily action. Enroll in a free workshop at Strong Lives Today and follow me on Twitter for empowerment as well as more tips about managing personal change and life’work struggles.
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